Things Change: The final edits are finished

I finally finished editing and re-recording the 14 songs I wrote in February. They form an album called "Things Change". You can listen to the songs with the player here, or on the following page.

http://www.reverbnation.com/tunepak/2548531

This is a song cycle about recovery from addiction: what it was like, what happened, and what it's like now. The 14 tracks are built around this three part structure:

Track 1. What it was like

What happened:
Track 2. Step 1: Well I admit it
Track 3. Step 2: Always there
Track 4. Step 3: Things Change
Track 5. Step 4: I was a drunkard
Track 6. Step 5: This with me to the grave must go
Track 7. Step 6: What does it mean to be ready
Track 8. Step 7: Pawn shop
Track 9. Step 8: Rewrite history
Track 10. Step 9: Just some papers we had signed
Track 11. Step 10: Wrong wrong wrong
Track 12. Step 11: You as I understand you
Track 13. Step 12: Fully awake

Track 14: What it's like now.

The songs a really very varied. In talking with a few people, it has come up that the first song ("What is was like") is a bit sad-- as it should be. Things look up as the cycle goes along.

My favorite tracks are "Always There", "I was a drunkard", "Pawn Shop", "Fully Awake", and "What it's like now", although I really am pretty happy with all of them.

http://timothychenallen.blogspot.com/2010/04/things-change-final-edits-are-finished.html

New Song: Always There

This is a work in progress called "Always There" from a 14 song set I'm working on called "Things Change". I'm still working on editing and re-recording the entire set. This is a rough version of the song I put together yesterday afternoon; I have some ideas for it that I still want to write up. But I thought it would be interesting to let people hear what what it is like along the way.



I don't mind if you didn't create everything
I don't mind if you're not always there
I don't even mind if you let me down sometimes
I just need some help with this one thing

I don't mind if you aren't always perfect
I can tell from the look of the world that that doesn't mean a thing
And besides, perfect for me can intimidate me
All I ask is that you be good enough

Cause when I'm falling down
Just need your hand to be there

I don't mind if you didn't create everything
I don't mind if you're not always there
I don't even mind if you let me down sometimes
I just need some help with this one thing

I don't mind if you aren't always perfect
I can tell by the look of the world that that doesn't mean a thing
And besides, perfect for me can intimidate me
All I ask is that you be good enough

Cause when I'm falling down
Just need your hand always there

I don't mind if you didn't create everything...

New song: Sitting in a circle

"Sitting in a circle" by Timothy Chen Allen



We are sitting in a circle
in a room above a store
and we're waiting for a sign that never comes

And we look into each others' eyes
and wonder if it's wrong
to be impatient with the process
brings us home

And I would not believe
that you would ever look away
I'd be a sorry friend to think of you that way

But I myself am falling asleep right now
I can't do much more than promise that I'll stay

But I myself am having trouble opening my eyes
I'd like to go to sleep right now if I may.

http://timothychenallen.blogspot.com/2009/11/new-song-sitting-in-circle.html

New song: Chameleon

"Chameleon" by Timothy Chen Allen
(I wasn't feeling particularly positive about myself when I wrote this)



I'll find out who you want
And be that all night long
I'm a chameleon
I'll be so good to you
I'll treat your mother good, too
I'm a chameleon

I know you look at me
Believing what you see is
Real, real, real
But when you turn around
I'll drop my colors down
Blink and you'll never see

Chameleon-meleon
Try all my colors on
See what looks good on me
Don't know quite who I am
Want you to lend a hand
Say what you like to see

The smile that's on my face
It hides an empty case
Nothing behind the glass
Don't like to meet my kind
Two lizards never find
The color of our mask, mask, mask

Chameleon-meleon
Try all my colors on
See what looks good on me
Don't know quite who I am
Want you to lend a hand
Say what you like to see

New song: Wired differently

"Wired differently" by Timothy Chen Allen



I learned something about you
You're just wired differently
Some of what you see so clearly
I'd need a telescope to see

And I could build a spaceship
And try to fly to the moon
But by the time I get you
You and your wiring move too soon

And if I yield to your wiring
I only start to feel confused
All of my breakers blowing
All of my circuits melt their fuse

Compared to you
My CPU's held in with electrical tape
I try and I try to replace it
But the circuit pins start to break

But that's just how I like it
I'm wired differently, too
And when my system's in complete shutdown
My only warm restart is you
Waiting 'til my meltdown's through
'Til my command prompt comes back
Waiting in the green screen glow
Sorry, I know my drives are slow

And that's not the end of the story
There is no manual for you
I know if I called the help desk
The late night technician never heard of you
Sometimes I feel a fool
Standing next to you
But my wirings in your hands
But you're just wired differently
That's the story of you and me
Don't take a CRT to read it
A kid with a slide rule could see it

New song: Something about me I didn't need

"Something about me I didn't need" by Timothy Chen Allen



In the midst of the forest I buried the box
With the memory too painful to face
And tore up the map as I turned my way home
Swearing I'd not go back to that place

With the dirt on my hands and the mud on my boots
As exhausted I fell in my chair
As I closed my eyes I felt something was missing
Some old comfort of mine wasn't there

I left a part of me
Within your memory
Something about me that I didn't need
That's probably true

I left a part of me
Within your memory
With each passing day
It's better this way
I try not to miss it
The way that I try not to think about you

In the midst of the forest I found myself walking
I tried to remember the place
Where I'd buried the box with the memory that hurt me
The tears rolling down on my face

After hours of searching I came to the crossroads
Where I'd put our memory to rest
But the site was now empty
The marker was stolen
And nowhere could I find the chest

I left a part of me...

New song: Eres mi corazón

"Eres mi corazón" by Timothy Chen Allen



Eres mi corazón
Eres mi corazón
Lo que me dijiste anoche queda grabado en mi corazón por siempre
Corazón

No te digo que todo se arregla
Un cuento en que comemos perdices
Tampoco el mundo no tiene sus hadas
Mi corazón
Eres mi corazón

Eres mi noche en blanco
Eres mi estrella fugaz
El frenazo que deja huella en la calle
Eres tú

A solas en casa
Te oigo la voz
Tan alta que los vecinos se asustan
Tan alta que siento las paredes temblando
Tan alta que gritas que tú me quieres
Eres tú
Mi corazón

Eres mi vida entera
Por bien o por mal
Te deje las llaves de toda mi vida
Encima de la mesa al lado tus gafas
No me las pierdes que no me quedan otras
Y son un pastón y no me pagan hasta viernes
Mi corazón

Translation:
You are my heart
You are my heart
That thing you said last night is recorded in my heart forever
My heart

I'm not saying that everything works out
To be a fairy tale: happily ever after
But the world isn't without its magic
My heart
You are my heart

You are my sleepless night
My one shooting star
The squealing brakes that leave a tire track in the street
That's you

Alone in our house
I hear your voice
So loud that the neighbors begin to get scared
So loud that I can feel the walls begin to tremble
So loudly you tell me that you love me
It's you
My heart

You are my whole life
For good or for bad
I left you the keys to my entire life
On your bedside table next to your glasses
Please don't lose them, I don't have another set
And they cost an arm and a leg and I don't get paid until Friday
My heart

New song: Everybody wants a plucking time machine

"Everybody wants a plucking time machine" by Timothy Chen Allen



WARNING: DIRTY WORDS! FOUL LANGUAGE! AWKWARD CONCEPTS!

Click here to see the decidedly adult lyrics

There are things in this world I have wished for
Love and kindness and peace with my fellow man
I can smile at the dreams of my childhood
But I still dream a dream when I can...

Everybody wants a plucking time machine
To go back to the day before bad luck
I'd have saved a lot of money
And kissed a lot of honeys
And have thought to wear a condom on my clock

Everybody wants a plucking time machine
To go back to the day before last night
I'd have skipped Pohang, Korea
And avoided gonorrhea
I'd have told you that I loved you at first sight, my darling

My dad told me, "Son, this world's a challenge,
The strong stand and fight, the weak just flee.
You can die as a hero or a coward"
I'm sorry, Dad, I'm taking option three

Everybody wants a plucking time machine
I'd a learned my lesson this time that's for sure
Turn the dial to last year
Face the world without fear
Laugh in the face of death he'll never know you're here

Everybody wants a plucking time machine
To make the awkward moments rush right past
If your wife puts you to blame
Or you shout out the wrong name
I could skip the night I told you
You're a horse's arse

All the dreams that this world has to offer
Can't compare to a night in your arms
I could've had two or three
Or three hundred easily
My machine would let me replay all your charms

The mistakes of our past: no consequences
Smiles on our faces, together we'd grow old
And with the final whisper of life on our lips
We'd turn the dial back over and start back from zero!

Everybody wants a plucking time machine
The challenges of living fade away
Brush aside the slings and arrows
You're brave down to the marrow
When you know you can't fuck up
It makes each day smile sweetly

Everybody wants a plucking time machine!

New song: Waiting for Winter

"Waiting for winter" by Timothy Chen Allen



Where are you flying now?
The winds have all died
The heat of Summer drove the birds back inside
And if you're with me now
Don't know where to look
Somewhere inside you must be
Somewhere inside of me

I went to look for you one day in the park
I caught a glimpse of you just as it got dark
And I ran screaming for you not to fly away
It did no good I lost you then
I guess you'll always be within

Somewhere inside of me

The year is fading now
The sky has gone gray
I climb the fence and watch the leaves blow away
You're sitting with me now
Looking at the sky
Waiting for winter to be
Somewhere inside of me

Video: Daybreak Training - Parkour

This was a parkour training session I did recently. The background music is an instrumental called "Plowshares" I wrote for the film-- and since I've been too sick to get it together, this is my weekly song as well:

New song: Everything that isn't you

"Everything that isn't you" by Timothy Chen Allen



The end of this song echoes the first song I wrote this year: "If I can find a way I can find you

Sha la la la la bang bang yeah!
You... didn't leave me much to think of you
Just this house... full of everything that isn't you
What a thing to do
You got a lot of nerve
I knew that from the day we met
You're the girl I never could forget
Now you think I'm gonna wait around 'til you're back in town
Well babe, I've got no pride
Don't bother me none to cry
Sha la la la la bang bang yeah!

We... we've been through such an awful lot
Such an awful lot of stuff we've got
But it does no good
'Cause everything that isn't you
Reminds me of you
Don't know what to do
Sha la la la la bang bang yeah!

If I could find a way I could find you
If I could know a way I could touch you
If I could find a way that you want me to find you...

Sha la la la la bang bang yeah!

New song: Patient

"Patient" by Timothy Chen Allen



I'm not very good at waiting, but I have to
I'm not good at being patient, but I'm getting that way
And you are so far
And I am still here
I'm not very good at waiting, but I have to

No me gusta esperar mas te espero
No es fácil ser paciente no mi vida
Si allá es de día
Y aquí es de noche
¿Cómo debo recordarte? Quiero verte

I'm not very good at waiting, but I have to
When I said goodbye I didn't mean for always
Close my eyes and I see you
How much longer? It feels forever
I'm not very good at waiting, but I have to

Y tú llevas el mejor parte de mí
Dentro de ti
And I have got to learn to wait a little more each day
Until you find your way
Back home

I'm not very good at waiting, but I have to
I'm not good at being patient, but I'm getting that way
I'm not good at being patient
I'm not good at being patient
I'm not good at being patient

New song: Icarus wing

I am not afraid
But I am alone here
If I were to fall here...

This place is not so high
But high enough to hurt me
There is no hand to catch me
If I were to fall

Everything is still
The air is filled with sweetness
The tide flows out beneath me

Now I'm flying
Over rooftops
Gravity talks
But I am not listening
It cannot touch me here
The ground must forget me here
If I were to fall

You look up now
You would not see me
I'm high overhead
And gaining momentum
The sun reaches out a hand
I'm not afraid of falling
But if I were to fall

The world is moving fast
The sky catches my wings now
My feathers fall away now

I am feeling calm
The sun shines on the river
The air is filled with sweetness

The final moment comes
I know the ground will catch me
I knew that this would happen
If I were to fall

New song: Sleep this day away

I'm awake
But I'm dreaming of your face
Some other kind of place
I would rather be
Please don't ask me
If I want to stop dreaming

Tie me down
I know damn well I should be
Wide awake
It'd be a big mistake
To go back to sleep
I can't help it
I just keep on
Wishing I could keep on dreaming

Don't wake me up
I'm sleepy tired
And my head's started aching
I won't be waking
Before midday today
I'll sleep this day away
If I could only find a way
To go on dreaming

Wake me up
'Cause you're a dream
That's just too good to be true
I'm not with you
And that's the way it must be
I'll never be free
As long as you are just a dream
That's dreaming about me

New song: It doesn't happen without you

Sònia and Daniel are in Spain for a month. I wrote this song about that.



I may think that things are going just fine
And I'll tell you everything is going my way
I may even say I'm better off like this
And maybe I'll convince you that it's true

But in the bathroom mirror facing myself
I know what's the truth
All the things that happen in my life
It doesn't happen without you

I've got a fine collection of memories
I like to polish them and hold them to the light
Times our laughter had no reason at all
Or we cried because our hope was gone

But everything looks different than I thought
The blues turn into gray
And when I only have myself to think of you
It doesn't happen without you

I know this situation comes to an end
I know the day you're coming home
And I can call you almost any time I want
It really hasn't been that bad

But then the moments drag into the days
And the days drag into weeks
My heart doesn't know what time it is today
That doesn't happen without you
Without you

New song: United us of you and me

The idea came from something my sister-in-law Liz said in our wedding: Sonia and I would form a nation of two, a "United States of Tim and Sonia"



"United us of you and me" by Timothy Chen Allen
Sònia, I read the paper just the other day
How life is hard in the USA
I don’t believe it and I have to say
Love's still free
United us of you and me
You know that's how it's got to be
United us of you and me
Don’t need no fence to keep folks out
It's you and me and baby there's no doubt
Our only natural resource here is love
But that's enough

Sònia, the Arabs and the Jews don’t get along
Even Andorra wants to have a bomb
I don’t get it, I just get it wrong
But peace still talks and love is free
United us of you and me
You know it's got to be us three
United us of you and me
Peace has to start with you and me
And all the folks we happen to see
We’re on to something and it might be true
Just me and you
It's us three
United us of you and me
That's how we’ll make the people free
United us of you and me
It’ll work on everything we see
United us of you and me
You know that's how it's got to be
United us of you and me

New song: We’ll be all right, Sònia

"We’ll be all right, Sònia" by Timothy Chen Allen



My Sònia
It ain’t a question of right or wrong
Sometimes the answer’s to sing along
Don’t get me wrong, Sònia

You’re good to me
There ain’t no place I would rather be
Lost in your eyes is a part of me
And that’s the truth, Sònia

You don’t have to look beyond our door
Everything we need is here and more
And if the paycheck don’t quite reach
Our love is growing each and every day

Sònia
Don’t try to make all the numbers right
There ain’t a cloud in the sky tonight
We’ll be all right, Sònia
We’ll be all right, Sònia

New song: With you

My mom asked me to write her and dad a song for their 53rd anniversary. Here it is.
I'm in Albuquerque without a guitar, so this one is A Capella. This song is, essentially, a prayer.

"With you" by Timothy Chen Allen

I don't want to have to grow old
But if I have to
I'll grow old with you

I don't want to have to grow old
But if I have to
I'll grow old with you

When I'm feeling tired
I will lay down
You'll be my last breath

I know that we just met
It's too soon to say this
What I want to say to you
I don't want to spend another day
Not knowing if I'll spend my life with you

When my hair is gray
I want you there
You'll be my one song

I know if I let you walk away
I'll dream my life
About a life with you

I don't want to have to grow old
But if I have to
I'll grow old with you

I don't want to have to grow old
But if I have to
I'll grow old with you

New song: Te he visto (I just saw you)

Sonia and I just lost a good friend. This is about her. Adios, Angeles.



"Te he visto (I just saw you)" by Timothy Chen Allen
Te he visto
En la sonrisa de mi hijo
Bailando en camino a la escuela

Te he visto
El eco de tu risa
En la vuelta de la esquina a mediodía

Y por mucho que me dicen que te has marchado
Te sigo viendo por aquí

Te he visto
En la sombra del puente
Que cruzaste conmigo
Te he visto

Te he visto
Y no consigo convencerme que es mi imaginación
Pero te he visto

Y por mucho que expliquen
Que los ángeles son de cuenta
No te quito de mi mente

Te he visto
Y aunque sigo con mi vida
Tomo pausa por un momento para sonreír

Te he visto
En las nubes subrayadas
Por los 747
En el atardecer

Y aunque no lo creyerían
Tu sonrisa me persigue
No consigo olvidarte

Te he visto
En el cajón que nunca abro
En el vaso olvidado
Te he visto

Te he visto
Y no quiero dejar de verte
Aunque ya te has marchado...

Translation:
I just saw you
In my son’s smile
Dancing on the way to school

I just saw you
The echo of your laughter
Just around the corner at noon

And even though they tell me that you are gone
I keep seeing you around here

I just saw you
In the shadow of the bridge
You crossed with me
I just saw you

I just saw you
And I can’t manage to convince myself that it’s just my imagination
But I just saw you

And even though they explain
That angels are from fairy tales
I can’t get you out of my mind

I just saw you
And even though my life goes on
I take a moment to smile

I just saw you
In the clouds overhead
Underlined by 747’s
In the afternoon

And even though they wouldn’t believe it
Your smile follows me
I can’t manage to forget you

I just saw you
In the drawer I never open
In the forgotten glass
I just saw you

I just saw you
And I don’t want to stop seeing you
Even though you are gone...

New song: Flying kites on Tuesday

Daniel asked me to write another song about him and his mom.



Your eyes reflect a promise
I never thought that keeping would be wise
It's in your eyes
But we're flying kites on Tuesday
And nothing else could be as good as that

Nothing I know
Could compare to sleeping in a bed too small for three
The monkey in the middle here is kicking me
And I ain't got a good night sleep
Since the night that you were born

It's got away from me
Sometimes I wonder how it will work out
I don't know
But we're throwing sticks in Rock Creek
And nothing else could be as good as that

Nothing I know
And I'm not in any hurry to put on my shoes
The boy with sunshine in his hair don't like to lose
And the lady of the castle just got splashed from head to toe
How did it get like this?

Now I can't keep from yawning
And I'm sleeping before I can turn the page
Just can't go on
But your foot is in my ribs now
And I straighten up and read you three words more
Before I snore
Then you give up and you take the book away from me
The dogs are driving to a party in a tree
And I am dreaming of a place
Exactly like the place where I am now